So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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