hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
