I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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