i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
