Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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