just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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