dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
