Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
