the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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