Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
