i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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