somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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