& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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