she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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