ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
