tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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