Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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