i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
