You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
