so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
