i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize