That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
