honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
