yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
