He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
