i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
