My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm passing your future prison.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
