Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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