Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
