Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
