lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
