I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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