i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
