wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
