I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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