You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
