The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
