you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
