Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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