can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
