Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
