I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
