i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
