go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
