Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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