I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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