I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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