Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
