Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
