4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the condom got lost in my hair
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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