so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
