you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
