I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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