I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize