I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
