Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
