I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
