Your face is a jimmy john
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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