How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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