dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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