Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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