wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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