there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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