Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
