i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
