He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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