good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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