No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
