Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
