my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
