I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
