Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
