Who wears a wallet chain?!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
