He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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