Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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