he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
