I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
