I don't usually arrange sex via text message
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
