I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
