Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
