Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
