All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
